i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
