I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
