God gave him joint rollers for hands
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize