Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
