You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
