I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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