Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
