dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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