Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
