one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
