it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize