I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm really busy with my period
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