I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Couch. On fire.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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