The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
