You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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