Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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