Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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