Non-Jews are for practice
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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