I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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