I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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