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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

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• (607): View more from New York

  She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one

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• (209): View more from California

  The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  THAT'S MY GIRL

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.

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