Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
