Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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