fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
