one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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