help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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