we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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