4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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