I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
