facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
