so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
