Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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