He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
