Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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