you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize