That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
