i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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