i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
