sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
