He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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