just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
