wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
