Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
