its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize