why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
