Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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