I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
