my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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