my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
