get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
