think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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