someone get that fucking seahorse.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
