the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
