I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
