She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
