party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
