hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
