i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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