do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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