All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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