she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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