Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
