My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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