My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
