This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
