he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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