I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
