matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
